When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
As a sex, we are vastly superior to men, but it is taboo to show it.
Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright.
MENtal anxiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!
A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' The woman wrote 'When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote 'I love sex.'
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien
A woman is like a teabag - only in hot water do you realize how strong she is.
A woman who strives to be equal to a man lacks ambition.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem
A woman's place is in the House... or the Senate.
Adam was a rough draft.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested in her he is.
An English professor wrote on the blackboard: Punctuate this sentence: 'Woman without her man is nothing'. The men wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.' All the women wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'
Behind every good man is a woman... kicking his butt. - 'Titus'
Boys are great, every girl should own one.
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich.
First, God created man. Then he had a better idea.
Grow your own Dope. Plant a man.
Here's to the men that we love, and here's to the men that love us, But the men that we love, Aren't the men that love us, So to hell with the men. Here's to us!
How do you know that a man has done something wrong? For once he does everything right. - Stephanie Di Cioccio
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
I have always wondered why men never or seldom help women work in the kitchen, but when it comes to cooking with a barbecue outdoors, men quickly grab the opportunity. Then it hit me - Men are less evolved.
I haven't found Mr. Right, but I have found Mr. Cheap, Mr. Sleazy and Mr. Wrong.
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
I said to my wife, "You know, if I had brains I'd be dangerous." She said, "If you had brains you'd be a woman."
I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.
If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his other lies.
If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send all of 'em?
If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog. - Mark Twain
It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink.
It's funny...all over the world women stop working in the middle of a field, lay down to give birth, and get right back to work. But give a man a cold and suddenly he's 2 years old and can't blow his own nose.
Little girls grow to become young women. Little boys have a job for life!
Men are like blenders. You need one, but you don't know why.
Men are like chocolate bars - soft, smooth, and they always go to your hips.
Men are like Computers -- they're easy to turn on, but once everything's loaded up, they're hard to work and stubbornly refuse to do what you command.
Men have dogs because they want a best friend dumber than they are. Women want that too, but they already have men. -Bill Engvall
Men! They sweep you off your feet then try to hand you the broom!
My husband says he will leave me if I don't stop shopping... God I will miss that man.
My Mother-In-Law keeps asking why we haven't had children. I figure having a husband AND a child would be redundant.
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'
Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
you.
The perfect man: smokes not, drinks not, flirts not, exists not.
The smartest thing a man can say starts with, 'My wife says...'
What's the difference between your husband and your children? Your children grow-up and leave
Never chase after a man or a train - another one will always come along.
Notice to Thieves: This car is like my husband - not worth stealing.
P.M.S. Putting up with men’s shit!
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards, and in high heels.
Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn
Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.
Tell a man there are a billion stars in the sky and he will believe you. Tell him there is wet paint on the bench and he will have to touch it to be sure.
The average woman prefers beauty over brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
The difference between men and women is that women are complex and men are simple. It took me a while to figure this out. I kept asking my husband if he thought he could do this or that, to no avail. Then I figured out what the problem was: every sentence started with 'Do you think'!
The difference between women and men is that women love their children. They know everything about them, including birthdays, allergies, likes and dislikes. Men are vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. - Dave Barry
